making home

an amazing gift from Beth!

A new home.
i live in a new home.
(this is just sinking in in a new way)

it's a lot of work to move.
it unsettles everything...what i eat, normal patterns of who i see and how often i see them...where i sit at the end of the day...it's a big deal.

my bedroom has felt like home since i moved in since i was able to paint it before i moved, but my living room has felt like a construction zone.

not welcoming...not a place i wanted to hang out...
this weekend i finally got to paint it.
and tonight i had some folks over to "christen" the new flat.

we ate, we laughed, we told stories...and we prayed through my flat.

what a gift.

as we prayed i thought "oh, i'm so thankful i'm not alone. I am so thankful to have these folks to celebrate and dedicate this space with me."

and as we prayed i was reminded of how impossible i thought this was.
i was reminded of how much i longed for a new place to live.

i was reminded of how when my faith was shriveled and dry, and i wasn't sure that God cared about my desires and longings...when i wasn't sure if he saw me, or cared, or was going to ever act on my behalf...i slowly began to pray. to ask...for a new home...it was like this little tender green shoot of faith coming back to life. i figured i'd start small...certainly he could swing that request (i mean, it doesn't even really involved changing anyone else's will...just  some space to live...a nurturing place to come home to at the end of long days...a place to sleep and rest). 

and then i waited.
and waited.
and wondered...would he ever act? would i ever find a new place to live?
did he even care?
and prayed
and looked
and waited
and kept on praying.

and i remember at one point confessing to a friend that it was bizarre, but how much my faith was tied into in this flat search...i mean, sure, there are all the things i believe, the emotional "ambiguous" parts of belief...faith - but it sure wouldn't hurt to have something tangible every once in awhile...something that clearly points to God's love and provision in my life. for a long time my search for a new home was just another external sign pointing toward the perceived absence of God.

...until one day it wasn't anymore.

cause here i am, sitting in my living room...a little overwhelmed as i think through all this...and name what this journey has been...and one more time, one more situation where i can see and name that the Lord does see me. He is faithful. He does hear me...and i have a new flat.

oh how my heart is rejoicing.

i believe at one point i told someone that if i ever actually found a new flat i'd shout it from the rooftops...that i'd be sure everyone knew that i'd asked (and pestered and begged and waited and doubted and asked some more)...and that the Lord had shown himself faithful to me...so i guess this is about as close as i can get to shouting from the rooftops, so i guess it will have to do...

Ellie and Jodi (two interns) came by to help me paint!