November Prayer Letter

i know i've been blog-silent recently.

honestly - by the end of the day...juggling between sheperding the servant team...learning new roles at Sari Bari...and living in a culture that is not my own...i am tired...and i don't feel like i have much to say...or at the very least i don't have the emotional energy to write it down in a blog...

i am tired. i feel stretched thin. but simultaneously i feel held and sustained by a Father who loves me...and holds me...and by the God who is enough when i am not. 

i am learning new things about myself...about my community here...and about the Lord. someone told me recently (after not talking to me for a few months) that i sound more confident than last time we spoke...and that i sound more invested here. they were surprising words...and encouraging too.

Today I write from the upstairs room at Sari Bari. I just finished showing pictures of my family to some of the ladies (they saw the wallpaper of my computer and wanted to know who everyone was). They tell me that I look like my mom. They tell me I should bring my nieces over here so they can meet them. They ask me about my family, and remember the things I’ve told them in the past. These little moments give life and energy to my tired heart.

It seems the only constant in Kolkata (or at least my life in Kolkata) is change. Once again my mind whirs with all the current changes and transitions.

My friend, brother, and co-worker Kyle Scott is in the process of transitioning out of WMF Kolkata. He has served here for 3 ½ years, and carries a heavy load for this community in a beautiful way. In the year and a half we have served together he has grown to have a deep place in my heart. I can’t quite imagine living in Kolkata without Kyle, and will miss him deeply.

On a practical level, this month is our “dress-rehearsal” for the transition of his work responsibilities. I’ll be picking up some of those responsibilities, and honestly, I feel a bit nervous and ill-equipped to handle what’s coming my way. I know it will all be fine, but I also anticipate a steep learning curve and wonder how to make room in my mind/schedule for the new roles. Please be in prayer for Kyle, for the women of Sari Bari, and for the WMF staff as we walk through this season of celebration and loss together.

At the end of August my “Servant Team” arrived. It has been a joy, and a whirlwind adjusting to the responsibility of shepherding Natalie, Erin and Taylor. I meet with the girls twice a week, once for devotions and a “check-in” and once for a book, or “disturbing movie” discussion. I also started teaching them Bengali. I love all these things, and in many ways leading the team taps into gifts/strengths/passions that have been dormant in the recent past. It’s fun, and beautiful to see those parts of me coming back to life.

It is also tiring, and draining, and hard.  Lots of times I think I’m learning more than they are. Before I agreed to lead the team, I was told that a Servant Team is like a mirror, reflecting back the best and worst parts of you. I have found this to be true. I have been humbled at moments when I respond to a situation in anger, or tiredness, with judgment or lack of grace (and then I have to/get to seek reconciliation or forgiveness from the team).  Please be in prayer for me as I balance caring for the team, and caring for myself. Also, for wisdom to know how to lead them well, and what truths to speak into their lives.

When I was in the States, I was able to take a one day personal retreat. It was a short, but very meaningful time. As I was closing out the time, Kay came and prayed for me/over me. As she prayed over my hands she prayed, “give your burdens to Jesus, cause you don’t need them.” So simple, but it was the exact truth I needed to be reminded of. I’m still not sure exactly what it means on a daily basis to practice open-handedness, and faith, and prayer…still working on that balancing act between things that are my responsibility, and things that are God’s. But in the midst of the wondering there has been a beautiful shift in my heart. I am so thankful for how the Lord uses others to draw me towards Himself, and to speak truth over me and into me.

Peace be with you.

Melissa