Peace

While I was trekking last weekend I was talking with one of the guys about following Jesus, and some of the tough questions I have when it comes to living in a way that honors God. Questions about affluence and need, compassion and hard heartedness, generosity and enabling. Just sharing some of the things I struggle with, and how sometimes I feel like my brain goes 500 miles an hour and never finds a good solution. (I do have peace sometimes, the Lord has given me some guidelines to live by…but it just never gets easier to walk past a disfigured person asking for money, or a child with dirty clothes and matted hair asking for whatever).

So this guy shared (as an encouragement and challenge to me) that for him, one of the first things God did in him was to give him victory over his thought life. And God challenged him to ask questions, but then to settle the matter and be at peace about it until God brings the issue back up in his life. My response was that I understood what he was saying, but I didn’t agree with it. That for me, God works in my heart in different ways, and that for me part of how I’m wired, and my relationship with God is this constant dialogue and questions.

Then last Monday we had a staff retreat, where we talked about rest. There was a guided exercise for us to do in terms of evaluating how we are at finding rest in our minds, hearts and bodies. The exercise instructed us to read Mathew 11:28-30 which says, “Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke fits perfectly, and the burden I give you is light.” (NLT) and I was struck by how Jesus says he WILL give me rest, and that I WILL find rest for my soul, and that His yoke fits perfectly. All of which seems to indicate that if my soul is not at peace, then its because I’m not receiving it…not because God is offering it.

One question I have is that for me to not be asking questions, and wrestling with new thoughts seems like a symptom of complacency – not peace. So, I don’t know what that balance looks like for me personally – to continue to pursue the Lord and truth (and to not be complacent) … and at the same time to accept the peace and rest that Jesus offers me.

As my worldview gets bigger, one of the things that I have a hard time putting together is that Jesus commends, the simple faith of a child – so how does the simple faith of a child fit together with figuring out how to live well as a Christ follower here at now. Maybe in some ways it comes back to what Mother Teresa said, “Following Jesus is simple, but not easy. Love until it hurts, and then love more.”

So I’ve begun asking the Lord for Peace as I start my day. I’ve been asking for an open heart, willing to receive the peace that He has promised to give me.