I was supposed to leave for kolkata on Sunday, but i changed my ticket. After talking with friends, and near strangers who called to encourage me to care for my own soul, and listening to my still voice of my own spirit, it seemed like a no brainer to stay for few more days.
and to be intentional about what i did with that time.
I knew that i could go back to Kolkata, and in the end i would be fine. But just because i could, didn't mean that i should. So i listened to the voices of myself, and people who love me - and received the gift of time to rest.
I spent a few days on a farm outside of West Union Ohio. Receiving the gift of hospitality and presence from Tom and Karen Wuest. Days to rest and breathe. To sit and rock in a rocking chair...thinking and feeling and dreaming. I went for walks in the woods. I wondered. I was angry. I cried. I floated in their creek. we shared the table together - and the bounty of the delicious food they grow. I prayed, and rested and received.
I have so many thoughts/feeling/ideas that continue to float around in my soul as a result of that time. there are lots of things written frantically in my journal - trying to get an idea or feeling down on paper. And there are slow movements of my soul - moments, ideas, woven together. I'm not sure how many of them i'll share - or how long I'll take to share them with you.
But for now, here is what i wrote when i first arrived.
Tidal Wave
"...And we watch hell crumble at our feet"
only it's not that easy in my corner of the world.
in my corner of the world we beat back hell
we lay down our very selves
we beat back hell with our own tears and sleepless nights.
we beat back hell with unanswerable questions and systemic injustice hounding at our heels.
we beat back hell when death and indignity beat at our door
and we are powerless to stop it
but we stand there.
against.
the tidal wave of hell and death and injustice.
it threatens to overwhelm us
to sweep us away.
and on more than one day it seems like it will
it feels like it already has.
how?
how can we bear another loss?!
how are we expected to keep walking?
how long?!
how long until we stop beating back hell by milimeters and inches?!
how long?!
until Justice and Truth
until Hope and Life
come.
like a tidal wave
and sweep hell away?
because I am tired.
and to be intentional about what i did with that time.
I knew that i could go back to Kolkata, and in the end i would be fine. But just because i could, didn't mean that i should. So i listened to the voices of myself, and people who love me - and received the gift of time to rest.
I spent a few days on a farm outside of West Union Ohio. Receiving the gift of hospitality and presence from Tom and Karen Wuest. Days to rest and breathe. To sit and rock in a rocking chair...thinking and feeling and dreaming. I went for walks in the woods. I wondered. I was angry. I cried. I floated in their creek. we shared the table together - and the bounty of the delicious food they grow. I prayed, and rested and received.
I have so many thoughts/feeling/ideas that continue to float around in my soul as a result of that time. there are lots of things written frantically in my journal - trying to get an idea or feeling down on paper. And there are slow movements of my soul - moments, ideas, woven together. I'm not sure how many of them i'll share - or how long I'll take to share them with you.
But for now, here is what i wrote when i first arrived.
Tidal Wave
"...And we watch hell crumble at our feet"
only it's not that easy in my corner of the world.
in my corner of the world we beat back hell
we lay down our very selves
we beat back hell with our own tears and sleepless nights.
we beat back hell with unanswerable questions and systemic injustice hounding at our heels.
we beat back hell when death and indignity beat at our door
and we are powerless to stop it
but we stand there.
against.
the tidal wave of hell and death and injustice.
it threatens to overwhelm us
to sweep us away.
and on more than one day it seems like it will
it feels like it already has.
how?
how can we bear another loss?!
how are we expected to keep walking?
how long?!
how long until we stop beating back hell by milimeters and inches?!
how long?!
until Justice and Truth
until Hope and Life
come.
like a tidal wave
and sweep hell away?
because I am tired.
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