Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Mel...


With the work I do, and the place it do it it’s easy to end up feeling like all I am is what I do…all the other parts of me slowly fade into the background in the midst of need, suffering, long lists of things that need to be done, friends who need help, the traumatic remnants of the day bouncing around in my head. For a long time I un-knowingly drifted into a place where the only parts of me that ever got expression were the parts of me that were linked to working at Sari Bari, and visiting the girls, the relationships here….in essence, I forgot all the rest of me (and this is especially troublesome cause I’ve said more than once that it often feels like the best parts of me don’t get expression here…like in some ways I’m the worst version of myself here).

But in this new season I am working intentionally to give expression to other parts of who I am. I am working hard to remind myself that there is more to than the roles I fill and the relationships I have here.

Here are some of the things I’ve been doing to remind myself that I’m more than just the Kolkata version of Melissa…
  •  Exercising
  • Reading books that are just for fun (or just to learn something that isn’t work-related)
  •  Crocheting
  •  Playing the guitar
  • Baking (although that’s one that I’ve managed to hold onto even before now)
  • Inviting friends over on a “week night” to play games (I know…I’m a wild woman!)
  • Choosing to go out with friends on the weekend, or on a weeknight even when I’m tired…and even when everything in me screams to just stay home (cause I know I’m gonna have a great time…if I can only manage to get myself out of the house!)
  • Listening to new fun podcasts and learning cool stuff
  • Watching sports (yeah for March-madness…and baseball season starting!)…even if it means staying up late or waking up early…

It’s been good this past week to realize some of the ways that these new, relatively simple choices are giving space and margin to my heart to process difficult things and to live here in a very different way that I have been…these little decisions I’m making are shifting my perspective in profound ways.

The other day Beth said, “I don’t know what’s going on with you…you have a song for every occasion”…and that got me thinking, “hmmm, it’s like the American version of me has been showing up from time to time!). And it’s been fun to catch glimpses of “Mel” around the flat and around town…cause I do like her an awful lot too…I see her in the ways I respond to my friends…being goofy…bursting into spontaneous song…and the occasional happy dance :)

2 comments:

Mandy said...

love. this. post.

Anonymous said...

This post made me happy.