Space

Last week I met with Beth, which is always a time I look forward to. I love Beth’s voice in my life. I love the questions she asks, and I know that Beth carries a heavy burden to care for me and for our entire community. Plus, she’s cool and I like hanging out with her :)

One of the things we talked about was how full my plate was through the fall, and how it was a hard season for me, and how I’m doing, and how I’m moving forward, and how I really am now. And then Beth said, “You don’t have to hold it together anymore.” and it was like something in me broke...or really, was set free

Responsibilities have been coming off my plate since the beginning of January. The Servant Team is gone (I still have those pesky evaluations and the tricky budget to clear up though). And i'm transitioning out of the “production manager” roll. So here I am, all of a sudden with an empty plate…and with freedom and space to dream about how I want to live here, and where I want to invest myself. So instead of having my brain and my time pulled in multiple directions I have space.  After so many days of looking at the calendar and wondering how I would possibly fit in all the things I needed to get done in a week, it’s weird to look into a week and wonder what tasks I’ll do.

It’s scary and overwhelming in some ways. 

I mean, to ask the questions, “what do I want? 

What do I really want?” 

To ask, “What is life-giving to me?” 

To ask, “How do I want to invest myself at Sari Bari and in the larger community?” 

it’s a big deal. 

To give my heart space to dream…to seek the Lord in regards to my next year in Kolkata and the future beyond that as well…it’s a big deal.

I feel humbled that my community is giving me this space (knowing that it “costs” the community to do this).

I feel thankful…oh so thankful for this opportunity.

And I feel a bit overwhelmed by the possibility. What are my dreams? What do I want?

And I feel excited…I mean, really, what is waiting just around the corner? What are the ways that will get to invest in some of the things that I already know I love? And now…it feels like the urgent things that have trumped what I wanted are being removed and I get to live into the things that I do find life-giving.

this space – it’s good and beautiful and freeing and full of possibility…and honestly, its also a little overwhelming and scary.