February 2012
Most days during November and
December I’d wake up and be shocked by what the day held for me. Looking ahead
into the day I often wondered how I would move though the day. I often felt
fragmented – moving from one responsibility to another so quickly that I didn’t
have time to process one thing before moving onto the next.
I’d say it was a season of loss. A
season of struggle. Being stretched thin. Grieving. Feeling overwhelmed. Many
days feeling like it was just too much.
One of the women who works at Sari Bari was assaulted by her longtime
boyfriend and we cared for her as she was recovering. She lived with us for a
short time. A friend we were visiting in the red-light area died rather
suddenly. Another woman at Sari Bari was evicted from her home and needed help finding
a new place to live. Kyle had his last day at sari bari (3 parties in 3 days),
Kyle moved back to the States (which we prepared for well, and I think we did
very well – but it was still a hard season of saying goodbye and sending him
off well). Along with these transitions (and some others too) I have been
learning the role of “Production manager” which comes with a steep learning
curve. And caring for the Servant team in their last days with us – working to
send them off well and to help them transition back to the states as well.
In the midst of the struggle and
tiredness, the questions and feeling overwhelmed – I have sensed the presence
of the Lord with me in profound and beautiful ways. So while I would describe
the past few months as a season of struggle or lack or loss – I would also
describe them as a season of being held, and sustained and loved by the Lord,
and by the community He has placed me in.
It was a season like no other I’ve
experienced, where joy and sorrows mixed and overflowed over and into one
another. Where all that the day holds is simply too much, and yet the Lord’s
faithfulness is thick. I have experienced the Lord’s faithfulness in new ways
the past few months. It has been hard, but it has also been so very good.
So now the dust is beginning to
settle – and I am once again finding a new normal. Adjusting to this new
version of life in Kolkata. Here’s what’s going on (and ways you can be praying
for me!):
I am in the process of tying up
loose ends from the servant team. Evlauations…and that final budget reckoning
(oh the joy of settling a budget in multiple currencies!). It was a deep joy to
shepherd them. It was amazing and humbling to catch glimpses of how God was at
work in each of their hearts, and even more so to be a part of that work. While
it was exhausting to lead the Servant Team, I am so glad I did it!
I continue to learn this role of
“Production Manager” at Sari Bari. Slowly I’m figuring it out, and it feels
less frantic than it did when I first started in November – but I’m still
learning, and trying to sort out how to do this job well (now that I have more
time to do it, and more mental and emotional energy to give to it!)
I have had more time to visit girls
in the "Gach". I’m thankful for this space. I continue to be amazed
that I enjoy visiting as much as I do. I hope that 2012 holds more time for me
to spend sitting with girls, building relationship, getting to know one another
– and all the joy/doubts/questions and hope that are mixed in with those
realities.
I also hope to spend more time
working on the “Aftercare Coordinator” part of my job description – developing
and implementing new curriculum.
This season continues to feel hard in many different ways. It is quite
normal for things to be rough for someone serving cross-culturally at
the 2 year mark (which is exactly where I am!). This "normal"
rough-patch mixed in with personal loss and transition has left my soul
feeling very tender. There is a compilation of his prayers, by Walter
Bruggeman "Awed to Heaven, Rooted to Earth" - which helps my soul
breathe prayers I can't voice on my own. These brutally honest prayers
have been a treasure and comfort over the past few months.
Thank you for your
partnership! I am thankful for, and sustained by your prayers.
Peace be with you.
Melissa
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