July Prayer letter

In early June I went on a“visa run” to Nepal, where I was able to spend some time hiking with a friend, and in the midst of nature and silence. I didn’t wake up to car horns, I did not sweat from the time I woke up to the time I went to sleep. There were trees, and waterfalls, flowers, and rain (sometimes gentle rain as we walked, and at other times hard rain – thankfully while we slept indoors!). My soul feels full.

Two and a half years ago when I hiked this trail Merilee and I stopped for a couple hours at a high point with a great view of the mountains. It was a place where God began deep work in my heart – and where I finally began to feel some of the sadness, and grief, and confusion and hope from my year living and working in Mumbai. I was looking forward to sitting at that spot again. It's a great place to sit, rest and reflect.

When Merilee and I set out the morning when we’d reach that overlook spot, it was raining (which was fine, I don’t mind hiking in the rain at all – sometimes I really like it). By the time we reached the overlook the rain had stopped, but the clouds were hanging around. There weren’t any amazing mountain views. It actually reminded me of the Smokey Mountains – the foothills of the Himalayas (at least where we were) are about the height of the Appalachian Mountains. And like the Smokies, it was misty and cloudy.

Surprisingly as I sat in the midst of the mist and clouds, the ebb and flow, I was struck by the beauty of the view. It wasn't the view I wanted. If I got to order up the weather of the day I would have picked clear, sunny skies so I could see the world's highest mountains that were just behind the shroud of clouds. But as I sat there soaking up the scene I suddenly saw that there was also beauty in the murkiness. This is really good news – because I live in murkiness. I live in the midst of tension, hard questions about the presence of God, difficult understanding of the kingdom of God and what the "already and not yet" kingdom of God actually means. Daily I have to decide how much I will allow my heart to feel the suffering and injustice that surround me, and how to respond to them.

Sometimes it seems like I have endless questions and no answers. Sometimes I wonder how many more times my heart can take bad news, or what it means to walk alongside one of our friends through her own personal hell. I want God to show up and fix the mess. I want the suffering to stop. I want to see a clear way. I want answers. I want a solid place to stand instead of the tension of seeking the Lord's face in the midst of a storm of questions and doubts. I want a clear mountain view, not the shroud of clouds.

And then one day I find myself sitting in the clouds, and see the beauty in the mist shrouded mountains in Nepal. My soul rests, drinks it in, and I am able to acknowledge that there is also beauty in the tension and absence of answers in Kolkata. It may not be the beauty I'm looking for – but it is there nonetheless.

Peace be with you.

This summer:

· On Saturday July 16 there will be a come and go open house at 7140 King Rd, Spring Arbor, MI, from 10am-2pm – please come by! I'd love to have some time to chat with you.

· Sunday July 17 I will be speaking at Spring Arbor Free Methodist Church in both morning services, 9:00 am and 11:15am