Sundays are for taxis

the metro in kolkata doesn't open until 2pm on sunday. this is very inconvenient.

its hard enough for me to convince myself that its a good idea to get up early enough to make it to church at 8:30am. i know it feeds my soul - but so many Sundays i wrestle with the tension that BOTH my soul AND my body are tired. how do i take care of both?! and if the metro was running it would be so much easier to get myself to and from church. as it is i have to travel by bus or taxi. the bus is cheaper, but may be crowded and definitely takes longer...and involves waiting. the taxi costs more - but is considerably more convenient.

dear world...please hear that today i declare, "sundays are for taxis!"

the past few times i've gotten myself home on a sunday by myself i've tried different ways. i've tried the bus (but you have to walk...and then wait...and wait...and the ride definitely rails against the newly found peace my soul has found through the time of worship, and time alone at the coffee shop journaling and be-ing by myself). i tried hanging around until the metro opened...but it just takes too long...and the first train is too crowded...

sundays are for taxis - even if i don't have lots of shopping bags (which makes it easier to justify the cost in my mind)...what i'm paying for is not so much a ride home...but the preservation of peace in my heart. what i'm doing it making a choice that helps my heart rest and prepare for the week ahead (which recently seem so full...and feel like they're speeding towards me one after another, at about 100 miles an hour).

sundays are for taxis - even when the driver is very nice...but has a meter that runs significantly faster than it should...i just won't tip him...he got his tip in the form of a very fast meter!

this transition has really been hard for me. one thing that has been hard is adjusting to being out in the city more often. i'm adjusting to not having access to the internet until i get home at the end of a long day (i know that may seem strange - but before i'd have time most mornings where i could send emails, communicate with folks back home, and write blogs...now i don't have that time til the end of the day - and at the end of the day i'm tired...and usually don't have the emotional energy to think about writing emails (even emails i really want to write) or blogs).

i'm really tired physically. i'm not sure if i'm just not sleeping well - or if the increased activity and mental energy expenditure is making me physically tired. i'm trying to figure out a new normal, even a new schedule for sleeping...and waking up (maybe earlier to bed...up a little earlier?!?!?! - this is difficult to ponder for someone who hates mornings as much as i do)

...so its really quite easy for me to convince myself that i'm better off sleeping in on a sunday morning...and listening to a sermon by myself in my room...

but today i was reminded how very much i need time of corporate worship. how beautiful it is to speak words of truth - liturgy that i wouldn't think to say on my own...but that is true and feeds my soul. i need to take my eyes off myself, and the stress i feel...the problems i'm trying to solve...the ways i'm trying to make the schedule work out...

i love the liturgy at my church.
i love the way different parts of it strike my heart every time i say it.
its a sung eucharist service - and i love that i've been going long enough to know the melody we sing to.
i love that there are declarations that i look forward to...like when we sing...
"Light from Light, True God from True God" or
"we join our praises with the never-ending song"

so here is the truth that has been replanted in my heart today...that has breathed new life into my tired heart....

"But you are the same Lord whose nature is always to have mercy"

and

"Jesus, Lamb of God: have mercy on us
Jesus, Bearer of our sins: have mercy on us
Jesus, Redeemer of the world: give us your peace"
~these were the words I prayed as i took communion this morning.

mercy. peace. amen.