my own voice...

so awhile ago i said that i'd tell you more about the WMF staff gathering and what was going on in my heard during that time...so here goes.

one of the things that i love most about my community in Kolkata is that they've been here for awhile. in so many different ways i feel like i get to benefit from lessons they've learned the hard way (and then i get to avoid those bumpy roads and do things an easier way). what a blessing to be welcomed into a community and to have friends who can speak with wisdom and experience. i mean, really - i love this...i can't tell you how many times and in how many ways i've been thankful for this gift...but i realized there's a bit of a dark side to it too (at least there was in my interpretation of it).

because i value the voices of experience that speak into my life so much i de-valued my own voice. i was hesitant to form opinions. more hesitant to speak opinions. one way that the transition into kolkata manifested itself was that i became really indecisive, and uncertain of myself, any decision i made, what i wanted etc. (i think its also fair to say that it could also be attributed to the fact that i've been in one transition or another for about 3 years and this was just the culmination of all that change).

i felt like i was receiving a lot, but didn't have the "right" to speak into the community. i mean, what did i have to offer? - knee-jerk reactions? naivety? idealism? and what would i say anyway? (please, let me be clear on this one...this was totally internal, in no way was this communicated to me by my co-workers/friends).

so for me, one of the great joys/gifts received at the staff gathering was the ability to value my own voice. my unique voice. my perspective. the way i filter and see things. what i can contribute to the conversation. my personality. the things that make me alive. the way i'll learn to live here well.

the "fresh eyes" that i see with have a place at the table along side the voice of experience. i know the rest of the community has felt that way all along...it just took me a little while to believe it myself.