i was never a girl scout. i guess i don't even know if girl scouts have a motto. I know that's the boyscout's motto, but i figured its pretty obvious that i was never a boyscout...
i don't leave my little area of the city during the week much, and i'm not sitting in traffic or in busy places where people will ask for money or food very often during the week. Weekends are different. When your rickshaw is stopped at a stoplight, pretty much anywhere, there is a very high chance that someone - a mother, a child, someone who is crippled - will come up and ask for money. This makes me uncomfortable. i still don't know how to respond. I'm usually convinced that giving money is not the course of action i want to take, so I try to remember to buy little snacks to carry in my bag so i can at least give some food. I don't always remember. Friday night we went out to dinner, and i didn't have any snacks with me. on our way home 2 little girls were asking for money and food. i hate it when i'm not prepared - when my "response" is taken from me - when i feel trapped, or like i just don't know what to do.
Its also interesting the different attitudes in my heart as i give these snacks (or don't give them). Sometimes having something to give (besides money) disconnects my brain and my heart from the situation, i just hand out my little snack packs, and move on with my life, without pausing to value the person i should be interacting with - and i forget that what i really want to give is dignity. At times like this i feel like "being prepared" makes me less prepared! (this happened yesterday - so today i was prepared with snacks...and my heart was ready to engage). This afternoon i had a nice conversation with a 10 yr old boy, and then i gave him some peanuts, and he was so thankful and so was I. Sometimes I give food, and the response is increased demand, or dissatisfaction - and then i find my heart judging (thinking things like, "see...this is exactly why i didn't give you money...you aren't really hungry...this i a business to you" - i don't like these thoughts, i'm not proud of them...but they are a part of my reality - trying to sift through how to respond to the experiences i have here).
So, i guess in one way its good to be prepared (with my stash of snacks) - but even more i need to be sure my heart is prepared. that is the hard part.
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3 comments:
On my honor I will try to serve God, my country and mankind and to live by the Girl Scout law.
Just in case you were wondering.
I only spent one year in a troup--in 1980, but I remember this pledge. It's likely changed by now. Always good to hear what you're up to.
Candy Brugger
wow. Thanks Candy. i'm impressed you remember that...after only 1 year! That's a pretty serious pledge. a bit weightier than "always be prepared" but i guess that's the motto, not the pledge!
good thoughts, buddy. true. challenging.
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