I am not privilege I posses....or am i?

My friend kyle scott writes incredible music. While we were in kolkata last year he wrote a bunch of songs about the experience and his wrestling and the city. you can check out his songs at http://profile.myspace.com/kylescottsongs. and you can buy the album too...its great.

Anyway, part of one of the lines in one of his songs is, "i am not privilege I possess." (it goes on...but i won't get into that...hope that's okay kyle...i don't mean to take it out of context - but i don't think i am). A lot of times i feel that when i'm here. Sometimes i want to scream "I'm more than white" or "I am more than a walking ATM." I feel that way when people are asking me for money, or food - or whatever it may be at that moment. I feel that way when i'm frustrated cause i want to build a friendship with the kids by the ocean - but they still see me only as the privilege i possess. Its times like that my spirit loudly delcares, "I AM NOT PRIVILEGE I POSSESS!!!"

I was thinking about that a lot when i was at the magic bus camp (not cause i was frustrated - but cause i was contemplative). I was thinking about how the spectrum of privilege is so broad. Why was it that i was so full of joy that these girls got to have these experiences that i knew were unexpected and undreamed of, and rare for them...but for me they were just a part of growing up? why was it always just assumed that i'd finish high school...and college - but when these girls are able to receive an education i rejoice so fully. ect ect ect.

And i began to see that while i am MORE than the privileges that have been entrusted to me - i also can't separate myself from them...they are a part of who i am, and how i think and respond, and view myself and the world. I am shaped by my experiences...by my privileges. I'm shaped by having gone to school. by playing sports. by going to summer camp. by the faithful heritage of my family and extended family. by the youth group i was a part of. by the middle class american upbringing i had. by my relative wealth. by having a savings account. by owning a car. by the fact that my parents are still married to each other. by the relative ease and protection that have marked my life.

Then it leads me to all sorts of other questions that are hard to answer. like how do i honor God and the poor, and my friends with what has been entrusted to me? and maybe even harder - how to i keep those privileges in balance? how do i stop them from defining me too much? what does it really mean to lay them down if i know i can always pick them right back up again? What does it really mean to live simply (if i can "splurge" on myself at any time, and if my "simply" is still extravagant in comparison to much of the world)? And how do i truly enter into the lives of my friends when i could - at any point (if i wanted) pick up all the privileges that i've laid down...and live the typical american life...and no one would blame me for it?

lots of questions. hard to answer...the deep stuff of the heart - where God will have to work in me and continue to reveal Himself, and shape me into his likeness. And while at times i get frustrated by not being able to nail down answers, i'm thankful that my heart is asking these quetions.