Doubt your doubts

I heard a sermon recently (Rob Bell, Mars Hill Bible Church) - and one of the points what to doubt your doubts. He said that our doubts aren't bad - but what is bad is when we just blindly accept our doubts and allow them to become beliefs that we hold. And that really, if something is going to become one of our beliefs then it needs to be questioned and examined and evaluated like every other belief we hold. Just cause its a doubt, or and overflow of something hard or uncertain doesn't mean that it gets to slide in the side-door and automatically become a belief.

So he said to take your doubts - and carry them to their logical conclusion, and then evaluate if that is something that you really want to claim as true. This challenge was really good for my heart. I've been on an interesting journey with the institution of the church for awhile now. I fully believe that the Church is God's plan for revealing Himself on earth. We are His tool for bringing the Kingdom of Heaven to earth now (in all its goodness, truth, compassion and love). But i've also been asking questions about what it means to be the body of Christ, what does that actually mean, and what happens when the body of Christ hurts people, or fails people, or doesn't act in line with the teachings of Jesus. And are we actually giving hope and life and truth? are we a light in a dark world like we've been called to be? And how much does my understanding of church line up with what Jesus actually had in mind. (you know, easy questions to answer...)

Anyway, this concept of doubting my doubts came at a time when i really needed to hear that challenge. Its been good for me to put that into practice, and to come to a place where i'm choosing to become a part of a body of believers here (even if i still have lots of questions)...cause when i doubt my doubts - i realize that while WE (the church) may fail, and may be broken at times, and don't always get it right...sometimes we do succeed. sometimes we get it right. sometimes we are a window of hope and love and goodness. People are encouraged, and challenged, and built up and loved by the church. and i need that. and i need to be a part of that.

So even though the service is much earlier than i would prefer, i set my alarm and got myself out of the house early enough to get to the church that i've begun to call "my church." And i worshiped with my brothers and sisters here. I felt this softening of my heart. And i had this sense that this church is going to become an important part of who i am. That when i look back on my time here, and when i look back on my journey of faith a few years from now...that this community of believers is going to be very significant. i don't know how or why...or even what that means...that's just what i sensed this morning sitting in that plastic chair - among brothers and sisters.