random events

i wrote this tuesday, but then the internet went down at the cafe i was in...and it was down for awhile and i had to leave...luckily there is an "autosave" feature on blogger!


yesterday was my last day in the gach. i think it was a bit surreal. i don't know what it really means yet. It was a good day, and a hard day. we visited some of my friends that i've come to know and love, and we also visited a couple new places - and that was a bit hard. The realities of the Gach were hard to see beyond...to start the day, we visited Asha at freeset. it was so beautiful to see her sitting at her sewing machine trying to figure it out...working on the bobbin. She's such a little spitfire. She was frustrated that she hadn't mastered the electric sewing machine yet...in her 4 days of work! At this point her mom still isn't supportive, but Asha is pressing forward with the hope that life can be better...pressing into freedom. fighting for her own freedom!

as an aside, Freeset does custom orders. They're working on bags right now for the National Youth Workers Convention. I've been to those. I have a bag from them (not from freeset though). At a National Youth Workers Convention is where God first planted the seeds of justice in my heart. The first time I was at all aware that God hates injsutice, and as His follower, I should too. The first time i heard about women in forced prostitution. I'm not saying there's anything profound or deep about me seeing the bags being made - it was just neat...and funny for me to think that here i am in India watching these bags being made - and in a few months i'll see my friends who are youth workers, and have been to the conference carrying around these bags...made by women who are now free...made by some of my friends. women i know.

we were hanging out with one of the girls, and she had some meat curry that she offered us. we didn't know what it was, but she told us it was beef. and then she gave us some, so i ate it. i haven't had beef in a long time, and i was a bit nervous my stomach would revolt (it was upset...but so far, so good, just a little uncomfortable). It was really good - but incredibly spicy. my lips were on fire for a good 20 minutes after i was done eating. The best part though (or maybe its the worst) - she was sharing with other girls in the brothel who are hindu (she's muslim and eats beef, hindus don't) and she told them it was goat. the girls in the room knew...but not everyone who ate it. she is so sneaky/tricky...mean?

then we went to another room we've hung out in a lot. there is a teenage girl there. she doesn't work the line. At school she's learning english, so she wanted kristen and i to teach her some. She can read and write, and she had some bengali phrases that she wanted to know how to say in English. So here we were translating some really random phrases. "so sweet" "do you undestand" "i am having a party" "stupid" "today i don't want to talk to anyone" it just cracked me up! And then, kristen started showing her an ab workout...so there they are doing situps together. it wasn't long before she wanted me to joing in too. so there we were, 3 of us laying on a big bed doing sit-ups...it was such a random/fun time.

Last night on our way home Karli and i were switching rickshaws, and a little boy came up with a cup begging. its the sort of thing that happens all the time...but for some reason he "caught" my heart. maybe cause it was late, and not so crowded, maybe i felt like i had time. i don't know. He was holding his cup up, and pointing...it took me awhile to see what he was pointing to, but it was his little brother. He was maybe 6 or 7, his brother was 4ish...asleep on some bricks. Karli asked where his parents were. his mom was sleeping, and his dad was working...and they live on the street. In general i don't give money...its hard to know if the money will buy food, or drugs (even with the kids, so many are addicted to huffing, glue, or gas). And so often i find myself wondering..."are they really hungry? or are they begging cause that's what they've been conditioned to do?" Why do i think that? And sometimes when i give and people just immediately ask for more, i get frustrated. "Why aren't they "satisfied"with what i gave?" - as if i've given them something so great. Why do i think that? I feel prideful, or arrogant, or self-righteous sometimes as i wrestle with how to respond to need. (obviously not attitudes that i'm trying to cultivate in my life!). And sometimes when i give food, people seem to be disappointed that i didn't just give them the cash. Is that because i didn't buy something that they'll actually like/eat? i don't know. when i give tangibly - food, or money, i rarely walk away feeling good about it. i walk way with questions, or feeling guilty cause i didn't give more, or sometimes feeling like i was just taken advantage of. Even giving here is hard. So, i went to a little shop and bought some biscuits for them. they have some nutritional value...and they taste good. (i actually love them...one of the things i'll miss about india i eat a package of cookies/biscuits almost everyday!) i got 2 packages. one for him, one for his brother.i figured it would at least fill their bellies, give them a little nutrition...it cost me 6 Rs...maybe 20 cents. And the little boy had a biggest smile when i gave them to him. He was so happy. my 6 rupee biscuits were an incredible gift to him.

i don't know why i told you all that story. maybe to share more of my journey. maybe to share some of my questions. maybe to give you an idea of how i am here. maybe to let you see how imperfect my heart is here. maybe cause the smile that boy gave to me last night was worth being shared. it was the sort of smile that comes from the eyes as much as his mouth...i don't know.