Feast or famine

a week ago I bought 12 spoons.

I (probably) don’t actually need 12 spoons.

When I first moved into my flat I bought 8 spoons. I’d managed to find a completely plain/simple spoon. (this was a small miracle…and the promise of forks to match the simple spoon left me fork-less for about 2 months. Eventually I caved and bought ugly forks).

About 6 months ago I tried to buy more of my magic simple spoons, but I couldn’t find them. Again, there was a promise that they could be found…but after countless trips to the kitchen shop I gave up.

And then on Tuesday (inspired by the constant lack of spoons, and rooting around in my sick to find a spoon to wash) I went to a different store.

And I asked for a spoon. A simple spoon, without designs.

And he had them.

And he asked how many I wanted…and I thought, and said, “ten?”

And he said, “will you take 12?”

And since I have a disappearing spoon problem, and there never seem to be enough, I thought, “why not” and bought myself 12 spoons.

Cause if I go back next week, or next month, or in 6 months, or next year, there is a strong possibility that this guy will not have simple spoons anymore.

So I bought 12 spoons.

I think this is a little crazy…AND I stand by my decision.

One of the weird things about Kolkata is that things that are available aren’t always available.

This has taught me to hoard…and to buy excess.

Butter has been known to disappear, entirely from the market for a month – and when it finally came back I bought a ridiculous amount of butter.

This feast or famine mind set has led me to say ridiculous things like, “do you think 10 boxes of cream is enough, or should I get more” (why I would need 12 boxes of cream is unfathomable…but then again, cream might go out of stock entirely, so I better stock up while I can)

There are stashes of different beans, coconut milk, chicken, and a drawer full of chocolate chips in my fridge.

And while those examples are kind of silly – I wonder how this mentality of feast or famine have seeped into me in other ways.

Does this feast or famine mentality overflow into…

…how I work…and rest?

…into community?

…into how I manage my time?

…into how I view relationships?

…into how I see responsibility?

It’s a very strange thing to think about.

Because I am the girl who just bought 12 spoons.