for a moment

I sit with her in her little room. She’s had a hard week. She’s been sick, so I stopped by to see her. We talked a bit, I helped her w/ some logistics, and then I got up to leave. I kissed my fingers and then touched it to her cheek, the way she always does with me. And I meant to leave, but it was obvious she was not okay. So I gave her another kiss in that same way. And I paused for a moment.

And she started to sob.

There wasn’t a reason for those tears.

And there are too many reasons to count.

The women I work with are strong. They are heroes. They pour themselves out to make a better life for the people they love. They refuse to listen to the “can’ts” and “nevers” that people around them try to hang around their necks. They have been through more in their lives than most of us can conjure up in our worst nightmares. They are steady. They are the women that their entire family depends on. They provide. They get it done. Seriously, they are my heroes. They’re the sort of brave that we all hope we are, while simultaneously hoping said bravery is never tested.

And while there are countless things to grieve, I don’t see tears very often. When I do, it’s the “oh no, tears are welling up and I have to wipe them away” sort of tears, not the “the dam has burst and there’s nothing to do but let the rushing river rage” sort of tears (except for at funerals).

So I sit with her while she cries.

She sobs.

For a moment the curtain is pulled back, and she offers me a part of her that I have not known until now.

I don’t need to know the names of those tears.

I just sit with her while she cries them.

No words of comfort need to be said.

My presence is all I have to offer her.

I am with her.
I cannot believe the gift she is giving me.
we are together.

And then after it passes, she names some of the tears, and I invite her closer to me, and she comes close. She lets me hold her. The way a parent holds a child who is spent or sad or confused or tired or sick. I just hold her. 

And for a sacred moment all is right.