It has been a long few weeks.
Chobi died 3 weeks ago.
Last Friday I was just beginning to feel "normal" again...getting back into a routine...like my soul had had enough space to begin feeling grounded again.
And then, on Monday night, Beth's Grandpa died. and someone from Sari Bari lost her husband.
enter chaos. Beth made a quick trip home (meaning there's more work to do). we were hosting visitors, trying to get to the funeral, and sending Beth to America all in the same day.
funerals here are always so draining. death is much less sanitized here. a trip to the "burning ghats" is always exhausting...(where they body is cremated while you wait...and there is wailing, drums, insense, and the smell...the smell of cremation...where you pour water on the hot ashes after the cremation is finished...where you watch someone you care about throw her wedding bracelets into the river at the end of the ceremony - the symbol of her marriage broken and thrown in the river...it's a lot to take in)
running around like a crazy women...with a "soul fuel tank" that went from hovering around "1/2 full" to running on fumes in the matter of one day.
hello compassion fatigue. (cause even in weeks like this there are other requests and needs. legitimate needs. real crises....problems I am asked to solve. solutions i am expected to come up with...but on a week like this...it's just too much. too. much.)
Weeks like this are hard cause you don't necessarily realize how bad of shape you're in...until you suddenly see your behavior (almost as if you're watching yourself) and you think, "oh my word, why am i responding like this...this is a big deal...i should not be mad right now...i should have compassion...but all i feel is frustration...and i can't solve this problem. why does she expect me to fix this?!?!?! i can't"
After a week like this you need a 2 day weekend. a weekend where you don't have to be anywhere or do anything unless you decide to do it (often at the last minute). cause you need a day to unwind before you can even consider attending to your soul.
yesterday was "home improvment day." i hung up my new blinds. i bought a fan for my kitchen. i called the electrician and he came and drilled some holes, hung some stuff up (including that new fan), and installed a new outlet for me...and i had some time for other projects too.
and then i had some friends over for dinner. they invited themselves. i love it. i invited Dan and Mai to come over in the afternoon and then they said, "what are you doing for dinner. we're gonna invite ourselves over." and yesterday afternoon brooke called and said, "what are you doing?" and i said...just hanging out...come on over...
so we hung out. and we laughed...and we all helped cook...and baby bob-ster slept on my bed while we all hung out.
and at the end of the night there were new blinds hanging, a new fan, an new outlet, and a big pile of dishes in the sink...which have the combined effect of making this place feel a lot more like home.
So i woke up this morning...with some thoughts about what i could do today...putter around, listen to a sermon, drink a whole pot of coffee, maybe bake some bread...
and then i stumbled on this amazing offer on Noisetrade:
http://noisetrade.com/pageandautumn
how have i not known about this music before?!
next thing you know i'm sitting in my hallway - crying...listening to this song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELPixKMHhtI
So i decide to bake some bread (how can kneading bread be so therapeutic?!), and listen to some hymns. i re-orient my soul.
and i rest...and i breathe deeply.
hello sabbath.
Chobi died 3 weeks ago.
Last Friday I was just beginning to feel "normal" again...getting back into a routine...like my soul had had enough space to begin feeling grounded again.
And then, on Monday night, Beth's Grandpa died. and someone from Sari Bari lost her husband.
enter chaos. Beth made a quick trip home (meaning there's more work to do). we were hosting visitors, trying to get to the funeral, and sending Beth to America all in the same day.
funerals here are always so draining. death is much less sanitized here. a trip to the "burning ghats" is always exhausting...(where they body is cremated while you wait...and there is wailing, drums, insense, and the smell...the smell of cremation...where you pour water on the hot ashes after the cremation is finished...where you watch someone you care about throw her wedding bracelets into the river at the end of the ceremony - the symbol of her marriage broken and thrown in the river...it's a lot to take in)
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| photo by Sarah Lance |
running around like a crazy women...with a "soul fuel tank" that went from hovering around "1/2 full" to running on fumes in the matter of one day.
hello compassion fatigue. (cause even in weeks like this there are other requests and needs. legitimate needs. real crises....problems I am asked to solve. solutions i am expected to come up with...but on a week like this...it's just too much. too. much.)
Weeks like this are hard cause you don't necessarily realize how bad of shape you're in...until you suddenly see your behavior (almost as if you're watching yourself) and you think, "oh my word, why am i responding like this...this is a big deal...i should not be mad right now...i should have compassion...but all i feel is frustration...and i can't solve this problem. why does she expect me to fix this?!?!?! i can't"
After a week like this you need a 2 day weekend. a weekend where you don't have to be anywhere or do anything unless you decide to do it (often at the last minute). cause you need a day to unwind before you can even consider attending to your soul.
yesterday was "home improvment day." i hung up my new blinds. i bought a fan for my kitchen. i called the electrician and he came and drilled some holes, hung some stuff up (including that new fan), and installed a new outlet for me...and i had some time for other projects too.
and then i had some friends over for dinner. they invited themselves. i love it. i invited Dan and Mai to come over in the afternoon and then they said, "what are you doing for dinner. we're gonna invite ourselves over." and yesterday afternoon brooke called and said, "what are you doing?" and i said...just hanging out...come on over...
so we hung out. and we laughed...and we all helped cook...and baby bob-ster slept on my bed while we all hung out.
and at the end of the night there were new blinds hanging, a new fan, an new outlet, and a big pile of dishes in the sink...which have the combined effect of making this place feel a lot more like home.
So i woke up this morning...with some thoughts about what i could do today...putter around, listen to a sermon, drink a whole pot of coffee, maybe bake some bread...
and then i stumbled on this amazing offer on Noisetrade:
http://noisetrade.com/pageandautumn
how have i not known about this music before?!
next thing you know i'm sitting in my hallway - crying...listening to this song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELPixKMHhtI
So i decide to bake some bread (how can kneading bread be so therapeutic?!), and listen to some hymns. i re-orient my soul.
and i rest...and i breathe deeply.
hello sabbath.
2 comments:
how beautiful the way rest came and found you this weekend. i'm hoping today is a true sabbath for me, too. love.
Glad you are finding rest amidst so much heartache. This world can be a difficult place to live. So grateful for a loving heavenly Father. Listening to your song now. . .
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