Thursday afternoon i got a headache...and then general bodyache. While i had a long list of things to do when i got home from training i crashed on the couch and watched TV.
i woke up Friday morning with a high fever...and a headache that you wouldn't believe. it took me about 20 minutes (and Brooke's insistence) to admit that i was NOT going to be leaving the house. i was not going to make it to training. We were doing group presentations and i was afraid of letting down the sari bari women who were in my group (i was trying to come up with a plan to go do my presentation and then come home...this was while i had a temp just over 101...obviously not my most rational moment...thankfully i live w/ Brooke...who was much more rational!). i was not going to pay the rent. i was not going to that government office to take care of that pesky last detail that i need to get sorted before i head home.
i woke up Saturday morning with the same high fever, headache, and weird eye pain (by far the strangest symptom of this thing is intense pain behind my eyes when i move them...i could really do with out this...and it's the symptom that is holding on the strongest!)...and woke brooke up so she could go w/ me to get some tests done...and then we went back in the afternoon for results and to see a doctor.
i woke up Sunday with a rising fever...and that same pounding headache and weird eye pain...and spent the day taking tylenol at regular intervals to keep the fever at bay.
i woke up this morning with a low fever (much lower than any other morning so far!)...and w/o that skull-crushing headache...and with a voice in my head that said, "hey, you don't feel like you're about to die...you should go to the office" Thankfully there is the voice of Brooke Taylor that says, "uh...no. we can see how you feel this afternoon, and maybe you could come over for afternoon tea"
this is not how i planned to spend the past few days.
there is lots that i still need to sort out before i head home.
i want to be at SB. I want to spend time with the women before i'm gone for a month.
and how about that...i'm going home...that definitely doesn't seem real. in the midst of a busy week of training, and then being sick...i seems very surreal that in 3 days i'm heading home. i'm going to be in MI (and i can't believe it)...i'm going to be so cold...and it will be beautiful and quite. There will be space...and trees and leaves (both green....and then colorful?!?!?). my sister is getting married in less than 2 weeks! i'm going to laugh and tell stories with family. i'll be harassed and made fun of in the most loving ways that only your family can get away with. i'm going to sit on the back deck...and mom will cook me dinner...and dad will probably grill out...and i'll play games with Danae...i'll have meals and coffee dates with friends. and i'm going to kick a soccer ball with Merilee...and i'll go for a bike ride...i'll get to see Beth, and Kyle and we'll go to Sheila's wedding together...i'm going to play with my nieces...and visit the Demlow house for a few days...
last night as i was falling asleep i was thinking of all that has happened since i was home last...thinking of all the places my heart has been...it's been a full year...so much loss and grieving and transition...and celebration and beauty and transformation. I feel like i'm going home a very different person than i was last time...and i'm not quite sure what to make of that. i guess the good news is that i don't have to.
...oh there is so much joy and celebration and goodness (and questions?) just waiting around the corner...a few days...and a few long flights away...
i woke up Friday morning with a high fever...and a headache that you wouldn't believe. it took me about 20 minutes (and Brooke's insistence) to admit that i was NOT going to be leaving the house. i was not going to make it to training. We were doing group presentations and i was afraid of letting down the sari bari women who were in my group (i was trying to come up with a plan to go do my presentation and then come home...this was while i had a temp just over 101...obviously not my most rational moment...thankfully i live w/ Brooke...who was much more rational!). i was not going to pay the rent. i was not going to that government office to take care of that pesky last detail that i need to get sorted before i head home.
i woke up Saturday morning with the same high fever, headache, and weird eye pain (by far the strangest symptom of this thing is intense pain behind my eyes when i move them...i could really do with out this...and it's the symptom that is holding on the strongest!)...and woke brooke up so she could go w/ me to get some tests done...and then we went back in the afternoon for results and to see a doctor.
i woke up Sunday with a rising fever...and that same pounding headache and weird eye pain...and spent the day taking tylenol at regular intervals to keep the fever at bay.
i woke up this morning with a low fever (much lower than any other morning so far!)...and w/o that skull-crushing headache...and with a voice in my head that said, "hey, you don't feel like you're about to die...you should go to the office" Thankfully there is the voice of Brooke Taylor that says, "uh...no. we can see how you feel this afternoon, and maybe you could come over for afternoon tea"
this is not how i planned to spend the past few days.
there is lots that i still need to sort out before i head home.
i want to be at SB. I want to spend time with the women before i'm gone for a month.
and how about that...i'm going home...that definitely doesn't seem real. in the midst of a busy week of training, and then being sick...i seems very surreal that in 3 days i'm heading home. i'm going to be in MI (and i can't believe it)...i'm going to be so cold...and it will be beautiful and quite. There will be space...and trees and leaves (both green....and then colorful?!?!?). my sister is getting married in less than 2 weeks! i'm going to laugh and tell stories with family. i'll be harassed and made fun of in the most loving ways that only your family can get away with. i'm going to sit on the back deck...and mom will cook me dinner...and dad will probably grill out...and i'll play games with Danae...i'll have meals and coffee dates with friends. and i'm going to kick a soccer ball with Merilee...and i'll go for a bike ride...i'll get to see Beth, and Kyle and we'll go to Sheila's wedding together...i'm going to play with my nieces...and visit the Demlow house for a few days...
last night as i was falling asleep i was thinking of all that has happened since i was home last...thinking of all the places my heart has been...it's been a full year...so much loss and grieving and transition...and celebration and beauty and transformation. I feel like i'm going home a very different person than i was last time...and i'm not quite sure what to make of that. i guess the good news is that i don't have to.
...oh there is so much joy and celebration and goodness (and questions?) just waiting around the corner...a few days...and a few long flights away...
1 comment:
I'm sad that you've felt so awful this week. I know how much you needed to get done before you left. But oh what joy to be going home!
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