ripping off a scab

that's what it feels like these days.

Sheila leaving is a big enough deal...and sad enough in and of itself...(and the opportunity to "deny" is long gone...and while it still doesn't really feel real that she's back in America there have also been moments of acknowledgement...and tears and the beginning of grieving) but what i am finding is that this fresh grieving is bring to the surface lots of other grieving from earlier this year.

...grieving that I thought i had moved through.
...loss that I thought i had processed (or was processing)
...it's like ripping off a scab

it's different. not as deep...not the same grieving as it was a few months ago - but suddenly these other losses are back on my radar.

and then a friend posted a few lines from a Mary Oliver poem on facebook:

"That time
I thought I could not
go any closer to grief
without dying

I went closer,
and I did not die."

These words are beautiful. they inspire me not to run away. they inspire me to be present in these moments and present in the grieving that needs to be done.

If you'd like to read the whole poem (it's beautiful...and powerful) here is a link: 

"Heavy" by Mary Oliver