Liminal Space

When I notice something that I don’t like about my life, I figure out a way to fix it. I’m a problem solver. There might be things about my life that bother other people…but if they don’t bother me, then I really don’t care. Once I realize something is going on that I don’t like, I want to fix the problem. I want to make it better.

And when I set my mind to something I am incredibly disciplined about the things I’ve committed to. This plays out in serious and in silly ways…I flossed my teeth every day for a year…and in the process (about 10 months in) I accidentally missed a day so I had to start my year over again. The summer after my senior year of high school I was training for soccer in the fall of my freshman year of college. I was incredibly disciplined. I was working 2 jobs – and exercised 6 days a week. At the beginning of the summer I made a chart of what I planned to do each day and if I did it I got a put a sticker on the calendar for that day (and I don’t think I missed any days, even though I was working about 60 hrs/week). At times in my life I’ve been a part of accountability relationships regarding spiritual disciplines – setting goals for myself, and then finding ways to motivate myself to meet those goals (with the encouragement of friends…and at one point chocolate cake) – wow…this has accidentally turned into a blog about some of my most ridiculous moments…

That is how my brain works. That is how my spirit works. That is how I work. When I see a problem I want to solve it. I want to make a better way. I want to figure out a plan for how to move from where I am to where I want to be.

But I am learning that sometimes that’s just not how life works. Sometimes there isn’t a plan. Sometimes you can’t and shouldn’t fix the problem. Sometimes you have to just be in the middle of a situation or space that you don’t necessarily want to be in. Yes, there are things that you can do in the middle of this type of season…doing the things that you know to take care of yourself…moving towards health in the ways that you know how, and in the ways that you can , controlling the things you can control – but in the midst of doing the things you know to do…sometimes you just have to wait. 

You put one foot in front of the other and take another step.

You wake up and do the things you know give you life, even though it doesn’t seem like it.

You exist in the midst of waiting and tension and things that are not how you want them to be.

In your better moments you see the value of this season...and in your worse you rail against the season and try to figure out a way out of it (and maybe curse it in your head for good measure).

There’s a fancy word for this space, “Liminal Space” – the space in between…and I’ll be honest – I don’t like it. My nature is to run from this space…but this uncertainty – this in between space is a part of life and a part of a healthy spiritual journey.

I’ve been told (and I believe) that in the midst of this waiting is where transformation happens. This is the space where the Lord brings wholeness, and the space where lies that have held sway for too long are finally silenced, where new life sprouts, against all odds. 

This is the space where you can’t go back and you can’t rush forward…you just have to wait…and trust that somehow things will be made right in the end.

(I recently listened to a great sermon on Liminal Space by Kent Dobson at Mars Hill Church – here’s a link to the sermon if you’re interested - http://marshill.org/teaching/2012/04/15/wait/ - it will be available for a couple more weeks on the Mars Hill website, and will remain on i-tunes after that)