sometimes you look back on a week and say to yourself (and your flatmates) - all of that happened this week? I can barely remember monday....when you're too tired to even watch tv...then you know you're tired.
my heart and mind have been so many places this week i can't sort it all out...i slept 12 hrs last night...and only woke up cause i'd set my alarm...emotional exhaustion running over into physical exhaustion.
one of our dear friends - a sister, really, is in the hospital. She is not well. so we put one foot in front of the other. we visit. we pray. i sit beside her and sing over her...in Bangla, and then when i run out of those songs i sing in English. we tell her over and over that she is not alone. that we are with her - and that Jesus is with her. i pray for peace that passes understanding. and we pray for freedom. we believe God can heal her (he has before), and we also know he might not.
we have the unspeakable privilege of watching the SB women interact with her. oh, if you could see the memories in my head from this week - i could show you love. knowing that none of us is alone right now. we are all together in these hard days.
i've spent far more time in the hospital this week than i'd ever want to. they have a very distinct (and horrible) smell. i can't explain it, but this morning as i walked in i thought, "oh, i hate this smell" - it was strong enough to overpower the smell of the coffee i was drinking at the time...i mean, it does smell bad...but it could also be the way that smell is linked to memories - and that i've never been in a hospital here for a good or celebratory event...it's in crisis, in sickness, hard days spent in those hospitals.
We were sitting in our living room the other night and Beth pointed out that God has promised to be enough for today, but that's all we get. And the "Enough" that he gave me yesterday doesn't carry over into today...that we need to be intentional in engaging and finding ways to ask the Lord to be enough for today.
The next morning i read the prayer that just happened to be next in Walter Bruggeman's "Awed to Heaven, Rooted to Earth" these are the closing lines...
"Even on such a day we are not minded to yeild on your sovereignty.
We are, we confess, sobered, put off, placed in dread,
that you are lord as well as friend,
that you are hidden as well as visible,
that you are silent as well as reassuring.
You are our God. That is enough for us...but just barely.
We pray in the name of the wounded flesh of Jesus. Amen."
"That is enough...but just barely." that is how i feel this week.
And then i was reading in the "Common Prayer: A Liturgy for Ordinary Radicals" and the closing prayer for the day was this...
"Lord, the morning is clothes with splendor from the beauty of the dewdrops to the slow rising of the sun. And ye, as each day descends to night, we trust that the morning beauty will come again. Likewise, we pray to trust that you will decorate our lives with the essentials we need for today."
He is enough for today.
I sit in these days and think, "Really, again...a season like this, again. I was just starting to feel like i was catching my breath after Nov-Jan..."
as i move from moment to moment, task to task, i pray over and over, "enough for today" "daily bread" "enough for today"
my heart and mind have been so many places this week i can't sort it all out...i slept 12 hrs last night...and only woke up cause i'd set my alarm...emotional exhaustion running over into physical exhaustion.
one of our dear friends - a sister, really, is in the hospital. She is not well. so we put one foot in front of the other. we visit. we pray. i sit beside her and sing over her...in Bangla, and then when i run out of those songs i sing in English. we tell her over and over that she is not alone. that we are with her - and that Jesus is with her. i pray for peace that passes understanding. and we pray for freedom. we believe God can heal her (he has before), and we also know he might not.
we have the unspeakable privilege of watching the SB women interact with her. oh, if you could see the memories in my head from this week - i could show you love. knowing that none of us is alone right now. we are all together in these hard days.
i've spent far more time in the hospital this week than i'd ever want to. they have a very distinct (and horrible) smell. i can't explain it, but this morning as i walked in i thought, "oh, i hate this smell" - it was strong enough to overpower the smell of the coffee i was drinking at the time...i mean, it does smell bad...but it could also be the way that smell is linked to memories - and that i've never been in a hospital here for a good or celebratory event...it's in crisis, in sickness, hard days spent in those hospitals.
We were sitting in our living room the other night and Beth pointed out that God has promised to be enough for today, but that's all we get. And the "Enough" that he gave me yesterday doesn't carry over into today...that we need to be intentional in engaging and finding ways to ask the Lord to be enough for today.
The next morning i read the prayer that just happened to be next in Walter Bruggeman's "Awed to Heaven, Rooted to Earth" these are the closing lines...
"Even on such a day we are not minded to yeild on your sovereignty.
We are, we confess, sobered, put off, placed in dread,
that you are lord as well as friend,
that you are hidden as well as visible,
that you are silent as well as reassuring.
You are our God. That is enough for us...but just barely.
We pray in the name of the wounded flesh of Jesus. Amen."
"That is enough...but just barely." that is how i feel this week.
And then i was reading in the "Common Prayer: A Liturgy for Ordinary Radicals" and the closing prayer for the day was this...
"Lord, the morning is clothes with splendor from the beauty of the dewdrops to the slow rising of the sun. And ye, as each day descends to night, we trust that the morning beauty will come again. Likewise, we pray to trust that you will decorate our lives with the essentials we need for today."
He is enough for today.
I sit in these days and think, "Really, again...a season like this, again. I was just starting to feel like i was catching my breath after Nov-Jan..."
as i move from moment to moment, task to task, i pray over and over, "enough for today" "daily bread" "enough for today"
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