pictures...

...i just finished uploading some pictures to facebook.
we had a party last night.
We have an intern here (Adam) until the end of Feb, and it was his birthday...so of course we had a party. we had homemade pizza, and breadsticks, veggies and dip...and we played games and danced and laughed and had a good time.
...and we took lots of fun pictures

so then i got to thinking, they say a picture is worth a thousand words. and if you were to look at the pictures from the past month (and there have been lots) - you'd see fun and joy and celebration. you'd see laughter, and me spending time with dear friends - who are day by day being woven deeper into my heart.

there were Christmas pictures. (4 different christmas parties worth of pictures!)
Thailand and new year's pictures
my birthday party
and now Adams.

by looking at the pictures...it seems like we have an awful lot of fun over here (and we do)...Sarah says that what we do is work hard, and play hard. we pour ourselves out on behalf of our friends - and we rest and celebrate and rejoice often.

celebration is one of the things that keeps my heart soft in a place where hardness of heart has a way of sneaking up on you.

and let's just be honest - we tend not to take pictures of the moments that are hard or uncomfortable. how do you take a picture of emotions? or noise? or crowds? how do you take a picture of feeling tired? or overwhelmed? or disappointed? or missing home so much? how do you take a picture that communicates another hard conversation with a friend? another reason to ask for forgiveness? another time when the wrong person has born the weight of your frustration and stress? how do you take a picture of processing so many different things in your heart that all you can think to do is just sit and stare at the wall and then write in your journal so quickly and passionately that you can hardly read your own writing? and then sit and stare some more? how do you take a picture of another transition?

...because my heart has been in all those places too the past month. this month has had some hard moments along with all the celebration.

so we take pictures of our parties - and post them on facebook. i think that's easier. i think a lot of the time when i'm in the middle of "processing" something i tend to keep quite - to keep things to myself until i feel like i have a handle on it. i don't write very often about when i miss home, or my tears, or when i wonder what i'm doing here. i know that what i write here isn't always celebration or joy or fun. i know that i often write of questions and wrestling and struggle...but today, as i posted more pictures of a party - i started to wonder if maybe my silence was doing a disservice to us all