Finding Joy

i can't remember if i "told you" - but one of the things that changed in me this summer when i was in the states was that i feel like joy was restored to my heart (in ways that i didn't know i needed it...and didn't realize it was missing" since then i've been working to guard that joy. looking for joy. finding it in the strangest places.

i usually have brightly colored toe nails (purple, turquoise, bright pink) - this is part of my master plan to have joy...metro, you might be crowded...but i have purple toe-nails...so take that!

i have a bright yellow sunshine sari bari bag.

yesterday i got to hang out with 2 of the ladies who work for Sari Bari. we went to visit a school, where we hope their daughter, and grand-daughter will be admitted. at the beginning of the day i had mixed feelings. excited to hang out with the ladies - but knowing that it was going to be a long day. a long long day. oh man...it was wonderful. i loved it. i loved holding little girls' hands, having them sit on my lap. i loved the bangla small talk that went on all day. i love that we stopped for tea. it was fantastic. tiring, yes, but so life giving...there was joy yesterday morning. i think my favorite moment was when the grandmother said good-bye to her granddaughter, kissed her, and slipped her a 1 Rs coin...so she could go buy herself a treat. somethings are universal...grandparents slipping grandkids money for candy is one of those things! i loved it.

last week i got to go visiting in "The Gach"(what we call the r*d lght area we visit in). i haven't been able to do that yet since i've been back. and i know this sounds very strange - but in the midst of conversations that warp my brain, and situations that break my heart - i also found joy. there is just something really really beautiful (and life-giving) about hanging out with those ladies, and beginning to get to know them...and joking around.

i find joy in the sweaters that i dug out from under my bed
i find joy in the new socks i bought today (that are designed to be worn with flip-flops...i'm only gonna wear them at home)
i find joy in all the sparkly sweater vests i see everyone wearing, people with scarves wrapped on their heads, and babies dressed in furry fleece suits.
i find joy in hot chocolate and decaf coffee at night
i find joy in the Christmas lights that i finally found today :)