a little stillness

Today i met my friend for coffee down by the ocean. as i was in the rickshaw on my way i realized i forgot my book, and i was a little annoyed with myself...i mean, what would i do with all my "spare time" if i got there early or she was late (anything is possible in rush hour traffic!).

So, with no other alternatives, i sat, and watched the ocean...and just was.

you would think that i would have had time to be still after my little surgery (i had arthroscopic surgery on my knee on Thursday) and while i have been less mobile than usual, i haven't been anymore still. i'm good at filling my time and my thoughts these days - books, TV, projects for I-Sanctuary, dinner with friends, errands to run, things to cross off the list etc. Anything to keep from thinking about the fact that i am right in the thick of "Lasts" of this year. My last week, my last time visiting places, eating foods, spending time with people. And for me it is easier not to think about all that i really think/feel/fear in these last days in South Asia. Its easier not to journal, not to process, not to reflect.

I know that God has a way of giving me the "gift of numbness" during times of transition in my life...where its almost as if i observe myself rather than being in the situation, and then as i have time and space to reflect and process then i can feel the fullness of the transition (in all that is good, and hard about it). And while i'm thankful for how the Lord shelters my heart - i don't want to hide, or harden my heart, or miss the beauty of this time.

So while my time of stillness was short (i didn't arrive as early as i predicted) - i am thankful for a bit of forced stillness. (and for the great conversation with my friend too!).