Grapes are back in season...

The other day i was in the market with Stephanie and realized that grapes are back in season. normally this wouldn't be a big deal - i mean, the fruit seasons do determine what fruits i actually eat, but besides missing grapes, and longing for mangoes i don't spend much time thinking about fruit seasons. Its significant cause grapes were in season when i got here...a year ago...exactly. today is my 1 year "south asia" anniversary...and as i stood on my friend's balcony thinking about the past year, and the year to come i have very mixed emotions/thoughts ect.

Last night i rode in a taxi to the international airport with my friend Merilee...so she could go back to the US - and i had these crazy thoughts and "flash-forwards" to what that ride will be like for me in a couple weeks. what will i feel? will i cry? will i be numb? what will that actually be like?

I realized and/or admitted to myself that while i am getting more and more excited about seeing friends and family i am terrified of going back to the states. who will i be in the states? what will it be like? how will i live there? how to i move from the life i've lived here for the past year, and the compelling work i've been a part of to a season of transition, and probably a job that isn't so exciting or compelling? how will the past year play out in my life in the next year?

Merilee heading back to the states signals the beginning of the last season of this time in South Asia...so, for the next few weeks i'll do those things i've been meaning to do for the last year, spend time with Stephanie, and other friends, continue to process, to celebrate, to grieve - and prepare for going back to the US, although i'm not really sure what that actually means...