made new

I continue to marvel at the depth God transformed my heart during the aftercare retreat. I still feel really flaky saying it - but i really do feel like a different person than i was before the retreat. My heart still has this softness - which i can only attribute to the Holy Spirit. And i continue to see old situations with new eyes and old circumstances with a new attitude.

This week i had a great talk with my supervisor. It was a gift from God - the time to share our hearts with one another. And then, at the end she said, "you know, i feel a little weird saying this - but you are really different since the retreat." And i explained that it wasn't weird at all - but that God really had done deep work in my heart during the retreat, and that i really am a different person. It was affirming to hear that this change in me is not just something i've noticed - but that others have seen it too.

Mostly, i'm just amazed by God's grace and His goodness transforming my heart...that He cares about the details of my heart enough to remake me. And i also feel a little sad at times. Sad that i allowed my heart to remain hard for so long. Grieved that i refused to allow the Lord to comfort me, and to be my strength. Its this strange mix of joy, and sorrow...but mostly i continue to be amazed that God has given me new strength, and joy, and hope.

Last night Stephanie and I went to the Hyatt (its really close to where we live) and we had dinner there. It was a splurge for my budget here, but wouldn't really think twice about spending that much on dinner in the states. It was so good - a mini get away. refreshing. celebration...sharing a good meal with a good friend in an environment that is very comfortable. My new joke is that we live 10 minutes from the border! I'm thankful that Stephanie and I don't live like that all the time - but i'm also thankful for the occasionally "splurge" on ourselves:)