Feels like home

since i've been home i've mostly been laying low, avoiding large groups of people ect. But Thursday night i was with a large group...and it was good.

friday the youth group left for a trip. before every youth trip we have a concert of prayer. Its a time to corporately commit ourselves and the trip to God. We spend time worshipping and interceding. family and friends, prayer partners are all involved. Its a great time. So, on Thursday night i went to the concert of prayer. and it was good. so good.

it was a little strange that this youth group trip was happening, and i really had nothing to do with it. it was a bit strange to be the one "sending" instead of the one "going." The past 5 summers i've been on 8 youth trips. so it was this really familiar moment - and it was strange to not be going. strange - and totally okay. There were parts of me that wanted to go along. parts of me that knew it was going to be an incredible trip - and that i wanted to go with my friends on this great adventure. And then there was also this part of me that is totally okay with the fact that i'm not going on the trip. (which is good, since i'm sitting in Spring Arbor right now!)

I think part of why i've been avoiding groups is this pressure i feel to have answers, or to have some neatly packaged statement about India, or what i learned, or how i'm different, or about what's next for me...and i have none of those things! (i'll admit that this pressure is probably more so in my head than in reality...but i feel it anyway).

it was good to pray, and to worship. It was good to be with so many people that i love, and who love me. It was good to tell some stories about India - and to have people ask how i was - and to know that they really wanted to know how i am - and to know that i could be totally honest in my responses to them. so many hugs, so many smiles, so many friends.

but, all in all, i would say that the Thursday night concert of prayer felt like home. maybe you know what i'm talking about - when you go back to a place, or people, or both - that was significant to the development of who you are. a place that is familiar and good and safe. a place that will always be a part of who you are...but also a place that isn't a part of your daily life anymore...but its still good to back to "visit" every once in awhile. people who will always hold a piece of your heart - no matter how far you are from them, or how much time has passed since you've seen them last. that's how i feel about the youth group (teens and volunteers) at SAFMC...it feels like home. a place where i love and am loved. a place, and people that have been a part of the formation of who i am. a place and people that i can always go back to...and simply be who i am...whatever that may be at the time.

Thursday, i needed it.
it was just good.
good to be home.