The City

its always been hard for me to spend time in cities. I think i feel paralyzed. I see all this need - and usually i'm just a tourist with no good way to "help" anyone. Being in Kolkata definitely had moments that were hard - really hard, but i didn't feel that "overwhelmed" feeling that i usually have when i visit cities in the US and walk by people who are homeless or begging. I think part of the difference was that kolkata was my home - and i was "at work" in the city - doing what i could to bring pieces of heaven to earth.

yesterday my family tried to go to a Detroit Tigers baseball game. It was going to be a great family day - baseball, dinner together in D-town, and then the City of Detroit fireworks. We got to the ballpark and it started to rain - we didn't even get to see any batting practice :( The game was cancelled - and our plans changed. We still had a great family day - fun in the car, and a nice dinner together on our way home.

and even though it was short, i spent some time in the city - which is hard for me. It's hard for me to quickly pass the parking attendant missing teeth, with un-kept hair and a stragly beard - knowing he's working hard - and wondering how much he'll be paid for his day of work, and what his life is like. It's hard for me to pass the lady in the wheelchair without a leg, as i'm on my way to a great afternoon of fun and play. And in Kolkata, it was hard for me to walk past the kids begging as i walk into a coffee shop.

and as we drove by all the abandoned buildings in Detroit, i thought, "why are these buildings empty?! People need houses...all over the world people need a roof over their head. What if we just "transplanted" people from India and Bangladesh? they could live here. They'd have a roof." And i know that isn't really a "solution" to poverty, or over-population...but i still think it as i drive by open space and empty buildings.

and on the way to the game my family was talking about amusement parks. And i've been to amusement parks many times. I've spent money that way lots of times. But i struggle with that. How do i have all this excess? how can i spend so much money on things i don't need? How do i go to ball games and movies and amusement parks when people don't have clean water? or a roof that doesn't leak? or enough money to eat 3 meals in a day?

these are questions i wrestle with in my heart. in my actions. i know there isn't an easy answer. i know that God gives us good gifts. i know that a day at the ballpark is a great way to spend time as a family. amusement parks are fun. none of these things is "wrong" - but it doesn't stop the wrestling match in my heart. (i know that these things can be really good - like when my family went to the baseball game together)

i know i'm a bit behind the curve, but my friend introduced me to youtube the other day. There's an incredible Sarah McLachlan music video, "World on Fire." and another great video called"eight dollar hot dog" (to watch either one just go to youtube and search by the titles listed. i couldn't figure out how to link them.) Its a pastor at a ballpark talking about global issues of affluence and poverty. At the end of the video he says, "So this is the problem. i'm enjoying a ball game, enjoying a $9.00 drink and a $8.00 hot dog. and i get an email from a woman in our church who is serving in Malawi and her preschool children keep dying from Malaria. And i have to realize that the food i have here tonight costs more than the medicine needed to cure those children of malaria. So, what do you do with that?"

so what do i do with that? i don't know. what does it mean to be a good steward of the resouces (education, time, talents, money) that God has entrusted to my care? the ugly truths of this world make me uncomfortable. I don't have easy answers. and i'm okay with that. i'd rather be uncomfortable wrestling to find and answer than to have never asked the question.

my prayer is that i'll never dismiss/forget/ignore the question.