fresh perspective

i've been back for a week now...and its been really different than i was expecting. this transition back into kolkata has been really good. as rough and unsettling as it was to arrive here in June (and man was it disorienting and hard!) - its been that easy and good and natural to come back...i'm pleasantly surprised by the past week.

as transient june and july were, the time allowed me to start getting my bearing in the city - finding normal, figuring out a "schedule", finding a rhythm of my days. and now i find that in coming back, well, i can settling into those things that i know...and at the same time continue figuring out "where to from here."

one of the new questions i've been asking myself is, "what does it look like for me to thrive in kolkata?" i used to ask, "what does sustainable look like" but now i want more than just sustainable. how to i thrive here? what can i find that is life giving? how to fiercely guard the joy that God restored to my heart while i was in the US? how do i fight to preserve fun and laughter in the midst suffering and injustice? (these are questions that began in my heart at the staff gathering...)

coupled with all these questions - i return to this city with a softer heart - and eyes that see differently. its like the hardness around my heart has been cracked, revealing a heart that is able to grieve. eyes that see the man who got himself so drunk he passed out on the sidewalk to sleep it off. eyes that are shocked by the man folding up his wet laundry into newspaper for it to dry. a heart that breaks over the hard working men who sleep on the sidewalk outside my house.

in the midst of all this my heart cries out for hope and restoration. for justice - and i attempt to walk the tightrope of how to live here well.